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 [1313] #wtf
Texting with my wife cobalt, just now:
<cobalt> will you check your backpack for $thing?
<ttk> ok
<cobalt> wow you got that immediately after I sent it
<ttk> yeah, my phone problems are really intermittent
<ttk> or maybe the NSA has finally debugged their eavesdropping malware
At this point, cellphone pops up a window: "CANNOT SEND MESSAGE"
 [1301] #wtf
<sonic> i was in china. i demanded my mother supply me with a guinea pig
<sonic> the result: a terrified chinese man bangs on teh door, when i answer he hands me an aluminum teapot and flees.
<sonic> i open the teapot and a small teddy bear hamster crawls onto my hand and bites me
     #atbot, 2018-06-14
 [1218] #wtf
"Police Power", a doggerel monstrosity of six verses:
Darkest hour
Looking dour
Pig-faced glower
Victims cower
Screaming louder
Keg of powder
 [1197] #wtf
<pink_mist> sounds a bit like sweden and norway ... we swedes have loads of jokes about norwegians ... and the norwegians have loads of jokes about us ... and the danes have loads of jokes about us ... and the finns have loads of jokes about us ... and the icelanders have ... well ok, I don't know what they have cause they're incomprehensible :P
     ##slackware, 2015-08-03
 [1192] #wtf
Bugorsky (a Russian of course, all of the best lab accidents happen in Russia) famously got shot in the face with a 70 GeV synchrotron in 1978 and is still very much alive today.
     Jason L, 2015-07-02, on the practicality of particle beam weapons, http://www.tank-net.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=40079&p=1133354
 [1178] #wtf
<mishehu> I'm reviewing HOA docs, and they defined an area of 25" x 25" = 25 square inches
<mishehu> part of me wants to find the idiot who wrote that and strangle that person
<Skywise> those are the guys you want doing your tax assessment
<ttkp> I'm guessing folks who paid attention in middle-school math class will land better jobs than "HOA doc writer", so it makes some sense.
<Skywise> people who are stupid in school are still stupid afterwards
     ##slackware, 2015-05-04
 [1172] #wtf
<donkey_boy> DEATH TO INFIDELS
<terratoma> donkey_boy: we still dont have generics
     #go-nuts, 2015-04-02
 [1166] #wtf
<Skywise> that slashdot link was to a comment about the soviet survival kit
<MetaNova> shotgun for bear
<Skywise> its a 3 barrelled gun
<Skywise> http://science.slashdot.org/story/15/02/04/1821207/tp-82-the-gun-cosmonauts-carried-on-space-missions
<Skywise> 2 smooth bore shotgun and 1 rifle barrel
<Skywise> Although its not widely discussed, i find many of the other elements of the soviet survival kit fascinating:
    1. PT3: tactical eating potato (1) if bear like potato
    2. V92: Vodka (potato but liquid) for drink in case of bear
    3. LL2: 40 pound brass bust of glorious comrade Lenin (maybe show bear)
    4. C32: Camera, 3 photos for secret picture of bear (can also take picture of potato)
    5. T21: Mikheil Jacks son cassete playing tape
    6. PT2: Second potato (removed by secret police, holster only. is no second potato. you are of greed.)
     ##slackware, 2015-02-04
 [1163] #wtf
<shonudo> your mom
<Skywise> you should of seen what your mom did today
<ttkp> "should of" *twitch*
<Skywise> thats current usage
<Skywise> we all know the roots, but times have changed
<ttkp> oh quay, 1f dats' teh weigh U wont et
<Skywise> thats prefectly cromulent to me, i've been on irc a while
     ##slackware, 2015-01-23
 [1155] #wtf
Splat was the name
of my favorite Toad,
who lived in the Field
and died on the Road.
Thump was the name
of my brothers' best friend,
who hit lots of Balls
until one hit Him.
Mommy and Daddy
would always drive fast
over hills and through Trees
until one small ice patch.
We went to live
with Granny and Gramps,
until they caught Ebola
licking Liberian stamps.
We went to the orphanage
with kids who had glares
and they teased us a lot 'til
they fell down nearby Stairs.
The Borsteads adopted
us as a matched pair.
But Sylvia died burning
while spraying her Hair.
And Thomas sweet Thomas
the widower and heir
was caught in the woods
by a passing Black Bear.
Now we two live here
alone with our ghosts.
The neighbors have fled
to villas up the Coast.
The orchard lies dying,
the Roses go bare,
Squirrels have left us,
Songbirds are Scarce.
So give us wide berth
avoid and prepare.
Death shows us favors
and we serve him Pears.
     -- George Herbert, 2014-10-25
 [1150] #wtf
"Since the beginning, the Soviet Union has had five enemies -- International Capitalism and the four seasons."
 [1148] #wtf
"There's something really rewarding about putting a dead thing in a box, and having it be gone the next day."
     -- cobalt ciar, 2014-10-01
 [1135] #wtf
<joel> apparently the correct answer to "can you take a pig on the tube?" is not "duh, they're called british transport police"
     #perl, 2014-07-14
 [1130] #wtf
"All of my life, California has had only two seasons: "green" and "brown".  Now, we still have two seasons, but they are "brown" and "ablaze".
     -- Steph Marr, 2014-07-01
 [1128] #wtf
<fuz> why would you learn Esperanto? doesn't Klingon have a bigger base of native speakers?
     #atbot, 2014-06-25
 [1122] #wtf
<geekH> whoops i got in trouble with hr
<geekH> we're moving to a new office but not everyone's moving the first few months
<geekH> so about 70% of people are going and my team and a few other are staying behind
<geekH> and i said "on monday, it's going to be like the rapture, except with less sentimental bullshit"
     #sv2600, 2014-06-02
 [1118] #wtf
<Alan_Hicks> AM radio anyone can send and receive on provided you're under 4W.
<skyroveRR> So uh.. what's 4W?
<rob0> four watts power
<skyroveRR> To power a bulb or something?
* skyroveRR does not know any bulb that can light up under 4W...
<zone_twelve> 4W into antenna
<wukong> in radio, that would be transmit power
<skyroveRR> Uh.... this is confusing, why do you need 4W for an antenna? First off, what kind of antenna?
<skyroveRR> And second, what's an antenna got to do with CB?
     ##slackware, 2014-05-12
 [1116] #wtf
<uncle_ben> i'm trying to connect remotely but keep getting a "connection timed out" error.
<mancha> your nickname is offensive
     #openssl, 2014-05-02
 [1115] #wtf
<kpuc> ... i have utterly forgotten the name of the comic
<ttk> which comic?
<kpuc> the one, uhm
<kpuc> with the cum shots everywhere
<ttk> sexylosers?
<ttk> or flemcomics?
<kpuc> yeah
<kpuc> flem
<kpuc> mmm, flemcomics
<ttk> dunno which is worse, that "cum shots everywhere" was enough for me to name a comic, or that I was able to name two
     #atbot, 2014-05-02
 [1098] #wtf
<hawks> i just learned the gross side of kittens
<hawks> someone here had a cat that disappeared for a week and came back... WITH KITTENS
<hawks> and then this weekend the house started smelling
     #sv2600, 2014-02-10
 [1091] #wtf
<qq> i think we could solve this whole sportsball problem by letting
<qq> each team have their own ball, instead of having just one and
<qq> making them fight over it
     #atbot, 2014-01-19
 [1083] #wtf
<ttkay> I'd still feel bad for polluting the environment unless most of our power came from breeder-nukes.
<Deke> check your privlidge. lgbt-nukes are better
     #bitmines, 2013-11-13
 [1077] #wtf
<Deke> jury sentenced Nidal Hasan to death today
<Deke> the military hasnt actually executed anyone since 1961, tho
<Deke> come on, Army...Texas is making you guys look like a buncha pussies
<pef> they have lots of guns and tanks and things, how hard could it possibly be ?
<Deke> sure, but the army has those, too
     #bitmines, 2013-08-28
 [1065] #wtf
<Deke> so she just sent a pic with it up on the truck being hauled away
<six> I often wonder what people THINK is going to happen when they do things like that
<six> maybe if I do something stupid and illegal and challenge authority someone will give me a puppy?
<Deke> six: that would be a good way to empty out the animal shelters
     #bitmines, 2013-04-10
 [1049] #wtf
<roens> that's how greed works: against the greedy
     #atbot, 2010-06-23
 [1047] #wtf
<ttkay> when it comes to clue, the 80/20 rule seems more like 99/1.
<midi> 99 percent of the agents have 1% of the clue, and the other 1 percent of agents have the other 1% of the clue?
     #bitmines, 2010-01-20
 [1046] #wtf
<dr.jd> right now it's about as flexible as somebody who died of botulism in antarctica
     #atbot, 2009-09-04
 [1045] #wtf
<dr.pox> "family size" box of condoms == empty
     #bitmines, 2009-07-20
 [1037] #wtf
Someone was trying to tell me that the cost of living in london is really expensive, and that I might get sticker shock; I had to point out that I've been living in Tokyo for the past two years.
     Moof, 2009-11-11
 [1029] #wtf
fie on you, ttk...*1* freakin' quote?  you suck
 [1027] #wtf
He'd pick up an eskimo woman giving birth in a outhouse, and feel ok with that.
     Tangra, 2007-04-30
 [1025] #wtf
Excrement happens -- in spurts!
 [1024] #wtf
     luuZ, the unhappy moderation bot.
 [1023] #wtf
They had music, art and fashion
They had dinosauric passion
And I'm sure they'd be enraged and mortified
That when they're mentioned today
It is only to say
Their brains were small and they died.
     Mark Graham, http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=7212
 [1019] #wtf
It isn't the size of the bladder that matters; it's the size of the cup.
     cobalt ciar
 [1015] #wtf
You just aren't anybody until you've been attacked by the Scientologists!
     cobalt ciar
 [1012] #wtf
Work!  And be well!
     cobalt ciar
 [1010] #wtf
wow. are you bi-everything, or just bisexual and bipolar?
     Jeff Bean
 [1008] #wtf
I learned that love is no excuse for bacteria.
 [1007] #wtf
Just give up.  Use windows.  Use explorer.  Buy an SUV for your daily commute.  Shop at Fry's.  Use PacBell DSL.  Listen to top 40.  It'll all just be so much easier.  YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!
 [1003] #wtf
This is why people rule the world and birds hafta be content to just poop on people sometimes.
 [1002] #wtf
It's not an org chart, it's a pegboard -- with lots of square holes.
     Zippy the Wonderslug
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