The Collected Quotes
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god.
It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Bad is now noun. Englishing proceeds. Happening w/o U. Vwls g nxt. -- The Elder Dan, 4/29/03
Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India,
history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
I'm a tightass, that's why I bought a Corolla. -- Sabrena Rosenberg
One good turn gets most of the blanket. -- Ellenburg
Never grope for a lizard. -- Jenn
Always saddle your own horse. -- Connie Douglas Reeves
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes.
They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm WAY too high."
-- Bruce Baum
I like children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one. -- bumper sticker
Unfortunately the number of people who can correctly
identify the problem is probably a fraction of those who
mumble incoherently and pull used tissues from their pockets.
-- banshee
The eight most dangerous words:
Well then, I'll just have to make one.
-- gherbert
-- Fleag
The presence of one rat in the kitchen generally suggests there are others in the walls.
But you kill the one in front of you anyway...
-- The Elder Dan
I spent a week childproofing my home...
it didn't work--they still get in...
-- Blake Clark
This nation has come a long way from its origins, 226 years ago today,
when our rights were being violated by an unelected, mentally deficient,
hereditary dictator named George.
Fly your flags proudly!
-- Evan
I have never been at a dinner where _I_ was the sane one. -- Kyna
Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows. -- unknown
Are you addressing me?
Well, lick it, put a stamp on it, and mail it to someone who gives a shit.
-- unknown!
If I wanted to see the losers I hung out with in high school, I'd get a pizza delivered... -- unknown
There is a fine line between crispy and burned. -- cobalt ciar
Well, we can't cure the customer of stupidity. -- TTK Ciar
Every shopaholic needs an accomplice. -- Ozzy Osbourne
Sitting in muddy water isn't such a bad life, if it's over after the first time. -- Yoko Kanno
Life is what happens while you are making other plans. -- John Lennon
Oh my, how the world still dearly loves a cage. -- Maude, "Harold & Maude"
It's useless to sing for dead people. -- Finnish saying
I believe in one thing only, the power of human will. -- Joseph Stalin
And how do I tell a cataclysm from a catechism?
Cataclysm is old testament, and catechism is new testament.
-- eriq
Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. -- Henrik Tikkanen
We have wandered into a state of prolonged neurosis
because of the absence of a direct pipeline to the unconscious
and we have then fallen victim to priestcraft of every conceivable sort.
-- Terrence McKenna
We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our own
live within a fragile circle,
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan...
-- Irving Townsend
I am sometimes asked, "Why do you spend so much of your time and money
talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?"
I answer, "I am working at the roots."
-- George T. Angell
We need a certain amount of illusion to exist--
your higher being can be a doorknob if you can relate to that.
-- Jan Noland
Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one is watching.
-- anonymous
I love when Bush came out and said, "We are losing the war against drugs."
You know what that implies: there's a war being fought, and people on drugs are winning.
What does that fucking tell you?
Smart creative people on that side--they're winning a war, and they're fucked up!
Jesus! Imagine if they were sober!
They'd own us...
-- Bill Hicks
It's just a bigger sandbox to play in, but it's still all fun and games. -- @
Law stands mute in the midst of arms. -- Marcus Tullius Cicero
Remember next time you step in something warm and smooshy think of it as a poop of love. -- Lisa
If you are sure you understand everything that is going on, you are hopelessly confused. -- Walter F. Mondale
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -- August Strindberg
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt ax.
It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
-- Edsger Dijkstra
It's not the fall that scares me--it's the sudden stop at the bottom. -- unknown
With drugs like mellaril and largactil you do not get much chance to be manic because you are in training to be a professional zombie.
Plus you pile the weight on so damn fast that you turn into some kind of chocolate buddha in a trance.
Regret is surely the landscape of hell. --John DuBois
oooh .. the painkiller just hit my system ..
I feel like my mind is floating closer and closer to my optic nerve...
-- ttk
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you DO criticize, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. -- unknown
The bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments
to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals.
It's just that they need more supervision.
-- Lynn Lavner
You - "sir" - to coin a phrase, are a tosser. A gormless tosser might I add. -- Entropia
...your ferret thinks you're a wanker for sticking a lighted fag on the end of its nose. -- Entropia
Always a godmother, never a God. -- Fran Lebowitz
That blonde has that 1980's porno queen "pursed snarl" look that I've always found more confusing than erotic. Is she angry? Is she asking me to tell her if she's got spinach in her teeth? -- Cindy "Nude Patrol" Dutra (10/99)
to be nobody but yourself in a world
which is doing its best night and day
to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
any human being can fight and
never stop fighting.
-- e.e. cummings
Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it. -- Gene Spafford (1992)
Learn the finer points of invective, you Cornholed, Suppurating, Thrice-squicked Rat Bastard. -- Andrew Solberg
She was broken inside. She knew then and there that she would always be broken inside. She would never become a single whole woman, there were scars far past healing at the very core of her being. She was a creature of pieces and seams, and she would always be pieces and seams.
But now, for the first time, all those pieces were gazing at the same thing. All of her, gripped by the same hot light, perceiving the world outside. Then suddenly there was no window anymore. She was standing in the world. Inhabiting the world. Not dodging through the fractured alterity within her own skull, but living and breathing in the world that the sun shone upon. It wasn't happiness, not much like pleasure; but it was radiant experience that touched every shred inside her.
--Bruce Sterling
Debbie Gibson and dog food. I've always dreamed of this. -- Julie Brown
Don't forget what happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted. He lived happily ever after... -- Willie Wonka
If you're going to stand in the middle of an open field during a thunderstorm while holding an umbrella, whatever else you do, don't call the goddess of the storm a fish-faced hag who looks like she just fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down... -- Ronald
Where are we going?
Why am I in this handbasket?
-- unknown
Gore vs. Bush...the same choice I have to face in selecting my pay-per-view movies every night. -- unknown
Consistency is scriptural suicide. -- Cindy Dutra
Life is hard on planet Viagra. --deus ex machina
Sometimes you even have to put up with being graciously corrected by people who know less but like to instruct more. --Emily Martin
Bart, stop pestering Satan! -- Marge Simpson
Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order. -- Solomon Short (David Gerrold)
Maintain a sense of humor. People who take themselves too seriously are power-crazy. If they win it will be haircuts for all. Beware of power freaks. -- Abbie Hoffman
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..." -- Isaac Asimov
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon
You read the Internet and it's pure fantasy from beginning to end. I surf and surf and all I find are dull pages written by geeks. -- Hugh Grant
"Wabi", which is a japanese word that means 'the beauty created by a tiny flaw in an otherwise perfect thing'. -- unknown
Evan's Law of Human Sexuality: If you can think of it, someone wants to fuck it. -- Evan
The smallest gecko will *always* grab the biggest cricket. -- cobalt ciar